Beer Up On The Presidential Campaign Trail
It's 2016 and we are in the midst of another Presidential election cycle. If you are on any social media then you are likely to be barraged with memes, opinions, falsehoods and other propaganda from people on all sides of the political spectrum. While we love strong opinions and polarizing takes about beer on this blog, you won't hear political opinions on this site, our Facebook page or Twitter feed. So with that said, we are going to give you the beer equivalent of each candidate as we see it. Anything resembling a political statement is purely unintentional as we hope to treat each candidate with fair and balanced sarcasm. Enjoy!
Poking fun at politicians is easy given that they typically rank lower than almost any profession in polls of integrity and trustworthiness. The hard part was deciding which one to discuss first. It seemed logical to start with the biggest name and a candidate who recently dropped out of the Presidential race.
- Jeb Bush- Outside of the Kennedy family, Jeb is probably from the most well known family in politics. Similarly, Michelob, shares a heritage with the biggest name in brewing in Anheuser Busch. The similarities don't end there. Michelob does not have nearly the success of its father the "King of Beers" nor does it sell like it's brother Bud Light. A more drinkable alternative, Michelob and Jeb are two brands in decline.
- Ben Carson- It's hard to make fun of Ben Carson with his smooth demeanor, clean cut image and monotone delivery. The same can be said of this beer from his home state of Michigan. Featuring a sleepy owl on its otherwise bland label, the Bell's Best Brown Ale is smooth and easy like a Ben Carson monologue. Honorable mention to Bell's Two Hearted Ale, symbolic of Dr. Carson's achievement in separating conjoined twins.
- Marco Rubio- Marco Rubio is a young, senator from Florida with Cuban heritage who alternates between being handsome and charismatic or low-energy. Cigar City's Jai Alai has many similarities to Rubio as well. This is seriously hoppy IPA that beer drinkers either love or cannot stand. Cigar City also shares Cuban and Latin influences while being brewed in Tampa Florida. Jai Alai also serves as an homage to Rubio's athletic background as a former college football player.
- Ted Cruz- Running from the state of Texas, with the accompanying Texas swagger, the beer that personifies Cruz is Lone Star Beer. Billed as the National Beer of Texas, no beer has the Texas credibility of Lone Star. However, when you dig a bit deeper you find out this Texas beer is actually owned by Pabst Brewing Company out of California. To complicate things even more, it's brewed in an SAB Miller owned facility. So is this truly a Texas beer? Is it an import? Like Cruz, this beer is not as Texan as the label may read.
- Bernie Sanders- Speaking of Pabst, that brings us to the Senator from Vermont. An easy choice would be Heady Topper due to Sanders unkempt coif, but Sanders rise to promise is more akin to PBR. Pabst Blue Ribbon was typically thought of as a lower quality, generic beer for those of lower income levels. Starting around 2004 though, this old tired brand became popular with the hipster crowd despite it's seemingly bland exterior. Like Bernie, PBR has crossover appeal to both college students who cannot afford better beer as well as snooty hipsters trying to feign coolness.
- Donald Trump- While so many beers could be indicative of the Donald, this joke practically writes itself. Whether you love Trump or hate him, the guy has charisma and swagger by the boatload. It should come as no surprise that we chose the Stone Arrogant Bastard Ale. Even when you read their commercial description of the beer it sounds as if Donald Trump wrote it. "This is an aggressive beer. You probably won’t like it. It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to appreciate an ale of this quality and depth. "
- Hillary Clinton- Possibly the only candidate more despised than Cruz and carrying more baggage than Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton seems like a glutton for punishment every election season. Passed over more times than that out of date bottle of Blue Moon at the grocery Store, Hillary cannot be summed up with one beer alone. She is truly the proverbial mixed six pack on clearance at the end of the aisle. You like stouts, there is probably one in there. You say you are a fruit beer fan, Hillary's got that too. Able to mix and match positions and views, the Hillary six pack has something for everyone while being nobody's favorite.