Yes this is a beer site, but bear with me on this one. I was at a bachelor party last week and as per custom ended up a strip bar. It's hard to really call anything in Virginia a strip club because our puritanical laws do not allow full nudity. So basically it is like a really skimpy beach where you pay twenty dollars to get in and there is no sand. Getting back to my story, what did really impress me was the impressive choices of craft beers. Craft beer in a strip club? Typically that means Killians Red and maybe a Yuengling, but this was different. There were numerous bottled offerings and for the low low price of 6 dollars. For a strip club, 6 dollars is a bargain for anything, let alone a decent beer. Aside from the beer, the thing that really struck me was the differences in how guys react in one of these places. It seems that wherever you go there is a predictable set of species of guys at these clubs and you never know what group someone fits into until you go with them. Here are the species I observed.
Strip Club Personas
1. Creepy staring guy- This guy exists at every strip club for different reasons. Sometimes he sits awkwardly at the stage, only breaking from his stare to deliver a creepy golf clap or place down a dollar bill. Other times he can be spotted just off the main stage staring but not paying for a front seat view. Finally, the other version of this guy is because he is too drunk to function and thus sits and leers while cemented to the chair.
2. The Money Guy- Drink fast when this guy is around. He is not having fun unless everyone is going balls to the wall. Finish your beer? It's ok since he ordered a bucket to the table for everyone. Having trouble getting a buzz? Money guy just bought a round of shots. On the fence about a lap dance? Money guy just paid your way and gave you a pocket full of ones. He is a great guy to have around but exhausting to keep up with.
3. The Addict- Sort of like the money guy in his spending habits, but this guy is all about himself. Strippers are his crack and he has to smell them, touch them, talk to them and throw money at them all the time. 20 dollar surcharges on ATM's don't bother him as long as everything is billed discreetly. Whether making it rain on the stage or in some back room acting like a porky Pepe Le Pew, this guy cannot stay away.
5. Strip Club Romeo- One of our favorites. This guy thinks he is at a bar and spitting game. He decided to wear his nicest clothes , shaved and applied cologne hoping to attract the attention of one of the dancers. Little does he know that even these women have enough class not to start a relationship with someone who immediately knows what they look like naked. He can be found throwing large amounts of cash as a show of male bravado.
6. Mr. Bad Ideas- A tough one to qualify but the end result is always the same. This guy cannot abide by the rules or use an iota of common sense. He manages to get you kicked out or nearly kicked out all the time. Some of the things I have seen this guy do at bachelor evens include spraying shaving cream on a stripper's posterior for no apparent reason, cracking a plate over his head because it's funny, making veiled threats about doing harm to the girls/bouncer, or at the most recent party, taking pictures of the girls. There are not a lot of rules and most of them are unwritten, but it goes without saying that taking pictures in a strip club is a good way to get your phone seized or your entire party escorted out.
7. Mr. Uncomfortable- Unable to have fun most of the time, he becomes especially difficult at strip clubs. Not only is he not having fun, but if you get stuck by him you are assured to get caught up in his misery. He may ask you if you are enjoying yourself or how you can have fun in a place like this. He is unhappy with the beers, the entertainment and will most likely be the guy trying to get everyone to leave. The only hope for this guy is to feed him alcohol and force him to have fun.
There are distinct strip club personas you will arrive with or bump into.
Let us know if we missed any.
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